21 Ways to Stay in the Peace
The following are simple yet powerful practices that can give
you new ways of looking at your life circumstances, and in that,
create new possibilities for self-realization.
1. Reversing Judgements
Practice noticing when you judge or criticize someone or something.
For example, in a grocery store line, you might be impatient and
think the person in front of you is disorganized and rude. Quickly
turn your judgment around and ask yourself: "Is it just as
true about me? Am I rude? (Am I rude sometimes; to others - or to
myself?) Am I being rude inside of me when I think they are rude?"
This exercise takes your attention off the "other" and
places your attention on you. Forgiveness naturally results. Placing
the blame or judgment on someone else leaves you powerless to change
your experience; taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgments
gives you the power to change them. Remember, beyond the appearance
of who it is you are looking at, it is always God disguised, standing
in front of you so that you can know yourself. Reversing judgments
allows complete forgiveness. Forgiveness leads to awareness of oneself,
and reestablishes personal integrity.
2. The Three Kinds of Business
Notice when you hurt that you are mentally out of your business.
If you're not sure, stop and ask, "Mentally, whose business
am I in?" There are only three kinds of business in the universe:
mine, yours, and God's. Whose business is it if an earthquake happens?
God's business. Whose business is it if your neighbor down the street
has an ugly lawn? Your neighbor's business. Whose business is it
if you are angry at your neighbor down the street because they have
an ugly lawn? Your business. Life is simple—it is internal.
Count, in five minute intervals, how many times you are in someone
else's business mentally. Notice when you give uninvited advice
or offer your opinion about something (aloud or silently). Ask yourself:
"Am I in their business? Did they ask me for my advice?"
And more importantly, "Can I take the advice I am offering
and apply it to my life?"
3. Being in Nobody's Business
After working with the practice of staying out of others' business,
try to stay out of your own business as well. Hold lightly whatever
you think you know about yourself. "I am contained within this
physical body." Is it true? Can I absolutely know that it's
true? What do I get by holding that belief? There is a widespread
belief that we are our bodies, and we will die. Who would I be without
the belief?
4. "Detaching" from Your
Body/Your Story
Try speaking about yourself, for a period of time, in the third
person rather than as I or me. Instead of saying, "I'm going
to lunch", say, "She's going to lunch," (referring
to yourself), or, "This one is going to lunch." Do this
with a friend for an hour, the afternoon, or the entire day. Eliminate
the use of all personal pronouns (I, me, we). For example, "How
is that one (or this one) today? Does he want to go to the park?"
Experience impersonally the body, the stories, and the preferences
which you think you are.
5. Speaking in the Present Tense
Become mindful of how often your conversations focus on the past
or future. Be aware of the verbs you use: was, did, will, are going
to, etc. To speak of the past in the present is to reawaken and
recreate it fully in the present, if only in our minds, and then
we are lost to what is present for us now. To speak of the future
is to create and live with a fantasy. If you want to experience
fear, think of the future. If you want to experience shame and guilt,
think of the past.
6. Doing the Dishes
"Doing the dishes" is a practice of learning to love the
action that is in front of you. Your inner voice or intuition guides
you all day long to do simple things such as doing the dishes, driving
to work, or sweeping the floor. Allow the sanctity of simplicity.
Listening to your inner voice and then acting on its suggestions
with implicit trust creates a life that is more graceful, effortless,
and miraculous.
7. Listening to the Voice of the
Body
The body is the voice of your mind, and it speaks to you in physical
movement as muscular contractions - as twitches, twinges, tickles
and tension, just to name a few. Become aware of how often you move
away from peace or stillness. Practice stillness and let your body
speak to you of where your mind contracts, no matter how subtle
the flickering contraction may be. When you notice a sensation,
inquire within, "What situation or contracted thought is triggering
this physical sensation? Am I out of alignment with my integrity
in this circumstance, and if so, where? Am I willing to let go of
this belief or thought that causes my body to contract?" Listen
and allow the answers to guide you, and return to the peace and
clarity within.
8. Reporting to Yourself
This exercise can help in healing fear and terror. Practice reporting
events to yourself as if a circumstance you find yourself in is
actually a news story and you are the roving reporter. Announce
exactly what your surroundings are and what's happening "on
the scene" at that very moment. Fear is always the result of
projecting a re-creation of the past into the now or the future.
If you find yourself fearful, find the core belief and inquire:
"Is it true that I need to be fearful in this situation? What
is actually happening right now, physically? Where is my body (hands,
arms, feet, legs, head)? What do I see (trees, walls, windows, sky)?"
Impersonalizing our stories gives us an opportunity to look at circumstances
more objectively, and choose our responses to what life brings.
Living in our minds, believing our untrue thoughts, is a good way
to scare ourselves to death, and it can appear in form as old age,
cancer, degeneration, high blood pressure, etc.
9. Literal Hearing
Practice listening to others in the most literal sense, believing
exactly what they say, and do your best to resist falling into your
own interpretations about the information they share with you. For
example, someone might compliment you on how beautiful you are,
and you interpret that as an implication that
the person has ulterior motives. Our interpretations of what we
hear people say to us are often far more painful or frightening
than what people actually say. We can hurt ourselves with our misconceptions
and our thinking for others. Try trusting that what they say is
exactly what they mean: not more, not less. Hear people out. Catch
yourself when you want to finish a sentence for someone either aloud
or in your mind. Listen. It can be amazing to hear what comes out
when we allow others to complete their thoughts without interruption.
And, when we are busy thinking we know what they are about to say,
we are missing what they are actually saying. You might want to
consider these questions: "What can be threatened if I listen
and hear literally? Do I interrupt because I don't want to really
know what they have to say? Do I interrupt to convince them I know
more than they do? Am I attempting to portray an image of self-confidence
and control? Who would I be without the need to possess those qualities?
Is there a fear of appearing unintelligent? Would people leave me
if I heard them literally, and no longer engage in manipulative
games?"
10. Speaking Honestly and Literally
Speak literally. Say what you mean without justification, without
any desire to manipulate, and without concern about how another
may interpret your words. Practice not being careful. Experience
the freedom this brings.
11. Watching the Play
See yourself in a balcony, watching your favorite drama about you
and what distresses you. Watch the story on the stage below. Notice
how you have seen this drama performed hundreds, perhaps thousands,
of times. Watch this until you find yourself becoming bored. The
performers are having to exaggerate their parts to keep your attention.
Notice when you get honest with your boredom, you get up from your
seat, leave the balcony, exit the playhouse, and step outside. Always
know you can re-visit. Who would you be without your story?
12. Watching a Second Version of
the Play
Write your story from the eyes and mind of another. Write as many
different versions with as many different outcomes as you like.
Notice what you notice.
13. Exercising Polarity
If you find yourself dwelling on a negative thought, practice going
to the opposite positive extreme or polarity. When you catch yourself
slipping back into negativity, choose again to return to the positive
polarity and be present with your conscious choice; feel the truth
of it. There is only love, and what doesn't appear as love is a
disguised call for love. It is your birthright to live in the positive
polarity of love and truth.
14. Self Loving Process
Make a list of everything you love about someone and share it with
them. Then, give yourself everything that is on the list. You may
also recognize that what you love about someone else is just as
true of you. Then allow the fullness of it to be expressed in your
life.
15. Coming from Honesty
Practice moving and responding honestly. Laugh, cry, scream, and
speak as it is genuinely true for you in each moment. Be a child
again; act in full integrity with your feelings. Don't let beliefs
compromise your integrity. For example, practice leaving a room
honestly without manipulating those you leave behind with a polite
excuse. Live your truth without explaining yourself.
16. Asking for What You Want - Giving
Yourself What You Want
Ask for what you want, even though it may feel bold or awkward.
People don't know what you want until you ask them. The act of asking
is a validation of the awareness that you deserve to have what you
want. If others are unable or unwilling to accommodate your request,
give it to yourself.
17. Awareness of You
Recognize that the one in front of you is you. Beyond all appearances
and personalities is the essence of goodness, which is you. Remembering
your presence in all forms will bring you immediately into the present
moment, in awe of the fullness therein. The person before you will
become an opportunity to know yourself. The heart overflows with
love and gratitude, humbly saying, "Oh yes, this person or
situation is here for me to learn about who I am."
18. Self Gratitude
For twenty-four hours, stop looking outside yourself for validation.
On the other side of that you become the experience of gratitude.
19. The Vanity Mirror
If you want to see who you are not, look in the mirror. Use the
mirror once a day only. Who would you be without your mirror?
20. Beyond Justification
Begin to notice how often you explain or justify yourself, your
words, actions, decisions, etc. Who are you trying to convince?
And what is the story you are perpetuating? Become aware of your
use of the word "because" or "but" when you
speak. Stop your sentence immediately. Begin again. Justification
is an attempt to manipulate the other person; decide to be still
and know.
21. The Gift of Criticism
Criticism is an incredible opportunity to grow. Here are some steps
on how to receive criticism and benefit from it. When someone says
you are "wrong, terrible, sloppy," etc., say (either in
your mind, or aloud to that person) "Thank you." This
thought immediately puts you in a space where you're available to
hear and to use the information in a way that can serve you. After
the criticism, ask yourself, "Do I hurt?" If the answer
is "yes," then know somewhere within you, you believe
the criticism also. Knowing this gives you the opportunity to heal
that portion which you find unacceptable within yourself. If you
want to cease to be vulnerable to criticism, then heal the criticisms.
That is the ultimate power in letting go of every concept. Being
vulnerable means you can no longer be manipulated for there is no
place for criticism to stick. This is freedom.
21 Ways to Stay in the Peace
From Byron Katie
Compiled by Mary Lynn Hendrix
Stuck on something or getting confused?
Contact me: carolyn@coachinglifedesign.com
830-598-8961
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