10. It’s vital to keep your loved one socializing – not isolated. If they aren’t
11. What are all of the available services in their community? What’s needed to access them? Some states have free community services or funds for care. You can contact the State Dept. of Human Services for information for individual states. Texas Dept. of Human Services = www.dhs.state.tx.us Texas Dept. of Aging & Disability = www.dads.state.tx.us
12. Keep a current copy of the Yellow Pages from their area for your reference, if you need business or local support. Keep copies of important phone numbers – their doctors, insurance agent, lawyer, nursing and home health care providers, funeral home, etc.
13. Make sure all of their affairs are in order and up to date = contact their attorney to confirm they have a will, medical power of attorney and a general power of attorney is in place for when it’s needed. Do you need to arrange for someone to pay their bills or set up a special bank account for this. Are their lists of safety deposit box items, investment and property inventories, insurance policies, photos and a list of personal property in their home?
14. Make copies of all important papers and information – medical power of attorney, medication requirements and prescriptions, etc. for your files to be available when you need them.
15. The decision to stay in their own home:
• do they want to be moved – research options for where they are and options for moving closer to you – have the conversation – you may be surprised – they may want to move closer, but didn’t want you to feel burdened
• their need for independence and their increasing need for dependence – find the balances as you stage through this time
• how will a move effect your loved one, family relationships, jobs, finances, legally, socially
• how long do you expect the arrangement to last able to go out, then
• really make an assessment of their home and the expected needs of your loved one – can you make this environment work; refer to #1 in Part One resistance to care; the more everyone can discuss and plan for expected care before it is needed, the easier the transition will be for your loved one to adjust to having someone looking over their shoulder, to staying in their home, but with some changes, or to moving to assisted living
16. Take care of your own needs – what’s the time involved? How much of a sacrifice can you realistically make? How well will these discussions be received by your loved one? Do you really need other options for intervention and good communication– a trusted friend, doctor, counselor?
17. Don’t forget that you will be in this situation yourself one day. Let this reality and the love in your heart guide your decisions. Make sure you are thinking and planning for your own passage through this stage of life, ahead of time – don’t think “Oh, I’ll just let the children figure this out.” What decisions do you need to make? What conversations do you need to have? What plans do you need to make? What areas do you need to organize; do you need to plan for and finish? How do you want to grow older? What do you want your own life to look like when this time comes? The ideal time to move to assisted living, if you’re going to take this path, is between 75 – 80 yrs. old. This usually gives you time to decide what you want and where you want to go. You’ll have time to adjust to your new way of life and to make new friends. The later you wait, the harder it will be on everyone.
Live, Love, Laugh, Create Your Life
Warmly, Carolyn
